


Mister Mom

by Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: AU Where Tobias is a single dad, F/M, M/M, NEXT GENERATION ANIMORPHS, TRANS BOY CASSIE, and it gets kind of fucked up eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 05:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11007159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell/pseuds/Jace_Diaz_Of_Hell
Summary: Every time Tobias has a chance at family, it's taken away. Rachel died during childbirth and he has to raise a child, when he never had good parental roles growing up.





	Mister Mom

It had been hard on Rachel. Tobias was sure. He knew from experience the pain of not being able to morph. When the rest of them had morphed into birds to go flying, she would stay on the ground and watch them, one hand on her stomach, her wedding ring glittering in the sun.

 

When others were asked to give demonstrations at press conferences, Rachel could only recount stories of her wild adventures.

 

But she had something she had considered more important than morphing. Tobias remembered the day she had broke the news to him.

 

He had just gotten back from the hork-bajir colony and arguing with several hunters who seemed to think they could just go to Yellowstone and try to hunt aliens without being harmed.

 

One hunter would now have quite the tale, with his rifle tied into a pretzel.

 

Rachel was sitting at the counter, eating chip and dip.

 

“Hey, Tobias.” She had greeted him as she hopped down. Tobias was apprehensive of how she looked- there was fire in her eyes. She strode across the kitchen, then held up a small test that showed a plus sign. Her eyes now shone bright and happy, with a backdrop of fear. “Or should I say _Dad?”_

 

Tobias had been in shock for a moment, but the news quickly sunk in. A grin spread across his face slowly and he laughed, pulling her into a hug.

 

“We're going to be _parents?”_ He said, ecstatic. 

 

Her lips pressed against his softly, the fire back in her eyes.

  
“We're going to be parents.” She confirmed, grinning.

 

Breaking the news to the others had gone fairly well. Reactions differed.

 

Cassie had been shoving a pill down a coyote's throat, dressed horrible as usual in his stained, ragged jeans, an old flannel of Jake's, and a binder.

 

They were all sitting on hay bales, for old time's sake- the most important things had been discussed in this barn, and to Rachel and Tobias, their child was the most important yet.

 

“So, what's this news that you needed to drag me out of bed with a hangover and haul me all the way out here?” Marco demanded crankily, holding his hand over his face to block out the light. “It better not be something about a new fashion line, Xena.”

 

Rachel snorted, then stopped in surprise as Ax entered inside the barn. It was true that for now his command was on Earth, but still. He was a War-Prince and probably the busiest of them all.

 

<I heard there was important news to hear, yes?> He asked. Tobias grinned, waving at his _shorm._

  
“Glad to see you got the message.” He said.

 

Jake was lying sprawled on a hay bale, silent. Rachel glanced over at him, worried. Since the war's end, he had been different. Only hanging on by a thread. At any time, that thread could snap and she could lose both of her cousins.

 

“Alright, guys.” Rachel said. Tobias slipped an arm around her waist and Cassie took his hand out of the coyote's throat, giving them his full attention. “What comes to mind when I say the words _next generation of Animorphs?”_ She asked.

 

Cassie looked confused for a moment, then gasped, clapping a hand to his mouth and giving Rachel a questioning look. When Rachel nodded, Cassie laughed and hugged her, bursting into tears.

 

<I believe we already had auxiliries?> Ax said, thought-speak giving off soft waves of confusion. Jake hadn't moved, seemingly comatose.

 

Marco, however, had sat up and stared at Rachel, mouth dropping.

 

“ _You?_ _ **Xena?**_ A _mother?”_

 

It seemed like the word mother had finally broken through to Jake, and he sat up slowly as though it took tremendous effort.

 

Rachel looked over at Jake, wanting to see his reaction and being surprised by the outcome. For the first time in two years, there was a spark of life in his eyes. The spark grew until a smile came across his face- a real, genuine smile. Rachel felt like  _ she  _ was going to cry. She decided to blame it on the pregnancy hormones and to punch anyone who said it wasn't.

 

Jake stood and crossed the few feet, and Rachel wrapped her arms around him fiercely.

 

“Congratulations, cuz.” He whispered.

 

<Rachel is... with child?> Ax said, and Tobias nodded, grinning.

 

“I'm going to be a father, Ax.” He said softly. “And I want to be the best father I can.”

 

Ax nodded, his tail-blade arching and touching Tobias' forehead.

 

 

<You'll do excellently.> He said confidently. <This will make me a... great-uncle, correct?>

 

“Technically speaking.” Rachel piped up. “But our kid is just gonna call you Uncle. All of you.”

 

Tobias had never been happier in his life. He should have known it wouldn't last.

–

“ _Tobias!”_ Rachel yelled from down the stairs. Tobias jerked out of his uneasy sleep, suddenly ready to attack. “ _Tobias, come quick!”_

 

He threw himself out of the bed and raced down the stairs, his mind going a hundred miles a minute.

 

_ Was something wrong with the baby? Was Rachel okay? Was someone in the house? Was Rachel miscarrying? _

When he got down the stairs, though, Rachel's face showed wonder and delight. She was lying on the couch, an old Disney movie on- Mulan, wasn't it?

 

“Feel this.” She said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him down to touch her stomach. He pressed his hand flat against her stomach, wondering what had been so urgent. Nothing was-

 

He gasped, the skin under his hand bouncing.

 

“They're kicking.” He said quietly, smiling.

 

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” She asked.

 

It really was.

–

 

Rachel was beautiful, pretty much glowing all the time.

  
“Do you think the fact that we can morph will affect how the baby grows?” Rachel asked one night. She had made tacos for them, but for some reason she was sprinkling cinnamon and sugar on hers.

 

“I don't know.” Tobias admitted. “Plus there's the fact that my father was an andalite, and for a decent chunk of my life I was a hawk... When you add in the morphing technology, I'm pretty sure the kid is going to be different. But that's okay.” He said.

 

Rachel nodded, smiling. “I already know their andalite is showing. They've been craving cinnamon and sugar and all kinds of sweet things.”

–

“Everything is looking okay.” The ultrasound technician said confidently, moving the ultrasound wand over Rachel's stomach. “ They have all their fingers and toes, and it appears as though they're moving just as a baby should.”

 

Tobias squeezed Rachel's hand, and Rachel smiled affectionately, squeezing back. She kept her eyes on the screen the entire time.

 

“Our little warrior.” She said quietly, her voice full of wonder.

 

“Would you like to know the gender?” Asked the technician.

 

Rachel paused and looked over at Tobias silently, carrying out a small and quick conversation.

 

“For naming purposes.” Rachel said finally.

 

There were words unspoken between her and Tobias that were understood.

 

Whether the child was born a boy or a girl, it didn't mean that they  _ were  _ a boy or girl. And if their child didn't like the name, they could always change it. 

 

“Well then,” said the technician, “It's a girl.”

 

When they announced this to the animorphs a few days later, Marco groaned loudly.

 

“Good grief. As if one Xena wasn't enough.”

–

They were lying in bed together, half-asleep, when Rachel spoke quietly.

 

“I've been thinking...”

 

Tobias stirred from his half-sleeping state.

 

“Yeah?” He asked, waiting for her to continue.

 

“First I thought of naming her after one of us.” Rachel said quietly. “Then I found out that all of our names and even the auxiliries' names are household names. But... there's no one named after Elfangor.”

 

Tobias sat more alert, watching her. She met his eyes calmly, blue eyes certain.

 

“What if we name her Ella?” Rachel asked.

 

Tobias pondered it for a moment before testing the name out lout softly.

 

“Ella Fangor.” He said, then smiled slightly, looking down at her. “It fits.”

 

“Ella Fangor-Berenson.” She corrected, and Tobias chuckled softly.

 

“Of course.” He said.

 

“And...” Rachel paused, inhaling rockily. “And Melissa for the middle name.”

 

Tobias hesitated for a moment, surprised- he hadn't known Melissa Chapman's death had weighed that heavily on her shoulders.

 

Melissa had been shot with a dracon beam from a sub-visser. It had blasted straight through her stomach and cauterized instantly, but still- no one could live with only half their organs.

 

Rachel had fallen from the sky that day, demorphing rapidly. Tobias had remembered the sharp fear that grabbed him, her anguished thought-speak scream fading. Until he had gotten to the ground, he thought she was dead.

 

He found out that thanks to a miracle she had been able to demorph parts, rapidly remorphing to her eagle form and coming in for a rocky landing.

 

Melissa had been the first thing she saw, and Rachel had stayed with her until she died.

 

“Ella Melissa Fangor-Berenson it is.” Tobias said softly, kissing the top of her head.

–

Something was wrong. Something _ had  _ to be wrong, otherwise they would have let Tobias stay in the delivery room.

 

But they had come in the room and took one look at him and made him leave, and now he was pacing the waiting room.

 

The door opened and in walked the other Animorphs. He paused when they approached. But when Cassie held his arms out, Tobias rushed into them, fighting back a sob.

 

“They made me leave the delivery room and they moved Rachel down to an operating room, I don't know what's going to happen, Cassie, what if-”

 

“It's not going to happen.” Cassie said, his voice steely but soft. "You know Rachel.”

 

Tobias nodded, sliding a hand over his face. It was so strange to be human again, after having been a hawk for three years. So weird for him to have hands, skin instead of feathers, arms instead of wings.

 

He wanted to believe Cassie, but something inside of him already  _ knew,  _ without a doubt.

 

He might go home with Ella, but Rachel was going a place he couldn't follow, no matter how much he wanted to.

 

His eyes slid over to Jake and he could see with only a first glance that Jake wasn't really present. This happened to Tobias sometimes- he'd be there but not there, his mind in a battle a few miles and many years ago.

 

It seemed like it happened to Jake a lot more often, though.

 

Jake's hands were shaking. The pulse in his jaw was jumping. On his hands, orange-and-black fur sprouted and retreated again.

 

“Jake?” Cassie said gently, touching his arm. Jake jerked away violently, then looked over at Tobias, forcing his breathing to slow.

 

“Sorry.” He muttered after a moment, looking around. “Where is Ax?”

 

“He shipped out last week, on assignment for some highly classified, highly dangerous mission.” Tobias told him, frowning. He had been worried about the andalite, which was _not_ helping his mood now. He really needed his _shorm_ at the moment.

 

He saw the door swing open slowly and the doctor stepped out. His expression was composed to a blank face of regret.

 

_Oh no._

_Oh god no._

_Nononononononononononono._

 

If Rachel was okay the doctor would have a different, more enthusiastic expression on his face.

 

Rachel was dead.

 

Tobias knew it, had known it would happen from the moment they made him leave the room. And still he had left.

 

His skin was crawling. His fingers itched with the need to  _ morph. _ To become a hawk again for a little while, to forget the world.

 

He almost did it. He almost left.

 

But one thing stopped him.

 

Even if- even  _ though  _ Rachel was dead, they still had a child. A baby girl.

 

Tobias had a daughter that depended on him, that couldn't grow up an orphan.

 

Images flashed through his head of his childhood- his Aunt's orders, his uncle's drunken rages, the terror he felt every moment of every day.

 

He wasn't going to put his daughter through that.

 

And when the doctor told him “I'm sorry for your loss”, he nodded mutely, listening as the doctor rambled about c-sections and blood pressure dropping and too much  _ loss _ . When he asked to see his daughter, they led him to the nursery. They watched as he picked her up very carefully- she was so small, her face wrinkled and red from wailing. Now, she was sleeping. Her tiny fingers waved in the air as though searching for something.

 

Tobias knew there would be time to break down later. Time to cry until his chest ached and he felt hollow. He would have time to grieve, and he would have time to recover.

 

For now, he had her.

 

“Hi, Ella.” He said quietly, a single tear sliding down his face and hitting the floor. “I'm your daddy.”

 

There was a hushed silence as he held her, looked down at her.

 

She was so little, so small. Her skin was a pale but healthy pink, which made Tobias breathe a sigh of relief. Some babies came out underoxygenated and ended up faintly blue or purple for the first couple of weeks. Her head was only about the size of Tobias' fists, and it rested gently in his palm. Her hair was there- a pale shade of blonde, but already thick.

 

He could practically hear Rachel's comment.

 

_She's going to have beautiful hair when she's older._

 

_Rachel._ It hit him all over again, the feeling of loss too intense for words. And another feeling that he hadn't quite expected- barely contained rage, simmering in his blood. 

 

_Why_ did he lose everything? Any time he found happiness, it felt like it was snatched away from him. Professor Powers had taken him in and been the mother he had never had a chance to know, then his Aunt moved him back to live with his uncle.

The father he never knew showed up again, dying, and gave them the power to fight humanity. He was trapped in the Yeerk Pool and almost lost his.

 

The chance at family had been taken away again and again and again.

 

And then he had found love with Rachel. It was beautiful, it was bright and  _real._ He would do anything for her and she would have done anything for him.

 

They had been married happily, just six months before her pregnancy.

 

And now she was dead. She was never going to morph elephant again and stomp used cars while he picked a lock. She was never going to kiss him again and remind him that he was human. She was never going to come walking through his meadow- no, in the door of  _their house,_ and smile at him. She was never going to give Marco another sarcastic comment or pretend exasperation at Cassie and Jake's awkward dance around each other. 

 

Some absurd hope in the back of his mind whispered  _maybe it's a mistake,_ and Tobias shut it down. He needed confirmation Rachel was dead. He needed to smooth her hair out of her face one last time. He needed to say goodbye.

 

“Can I see my wife's body?” He asked. His voice came out flat and dead- even though he had been human again for almost two years, he was still adjusting.

 

Thank god for that. He didn't want anyone hearing how shattered he was.

 

The doctor stepped out of the room and called to an orderly, who nodded and vanished down the hall. Tobias expected them to reappear and lead him away, but when the orderly appeared, he could tell that something was off.

 

He whispered quietly and urgently to the doctor, and Tobias broke in. Again, he was glad for his monotone voice hiding the well of panic.

 

“What's wrong?” He asked, keeping his voice low so he didn't wake the baby nestled in his arms. The doctor shot the orderly an angry and bewildered look.

 

“It seems that... Rachel Berenson's remains...” He paused and inhaled, bracing himself. “Rachel Berenson's remains have gone missing.”

 

“Gone missing?” Tobias echoed. This time his voice was rough, almost angry. Good. It was how he felt. He wasn't even allowed the final mercy of telling her goodbye.“You lost her _body!?”_

 

The orderly flushed, embarrassed. “I dunno how- It was like it just _vanished._ “

 

“Bodies don't just _vanish._ “ The doctor said, stern.

 

Tobias felt a wave of dread wash over him. He knew people who had a knack for making things vanish.

 

_Ellimist?_ He asked silently.

 

As always, there was no answer. He didn't know why he expected one.

 

He listened to the doctor's explanations on how to feed Ella and hold her properly, recommending several baby books for when she became a little older. He was relieved to hear that all of Ella's labs had come back well. He could bring her home as soon as he filled out the necessary paperwork.

 

He leapt through the hoops the hospital asked him to before bringing Ella out to the others. He couldn't get rid of the underlying dread he felt.

 

Cassie cried when he heard Rachel was gone. Jake didn't respond to the news, but his eyes grew darker. When it was his turn to hold Ella he held her carefully with one arm, her hand holding one of his fingers. He looked at her and suddenly his face twisted, sick with grief and on the verge of tears.

 

Marco held out his arms for Ella, his face drawn with shock. There was no joke for this. He took Ella out of Jake's arms carefully, holding her like it was the most natural thing in the world. When Cassie looked at him quizzically, he looked sheepish.

 

“One of my co-workers has a kid.” Marco muttered, then looked down at Ella. She was all that was left of Rachel, Tobias thought distantly. But she was also some of him.

 

He wondered what she'd be like.

 

“Welcome to the world, Xena Junior.” Marco said quietly, his voice solemn.

 


End file.
